How to Write an Obituary: A Step-by-Step Guide With Examples

Writing an obituary can feel like a strange task to be handed in the middle of grief. You are asked to sum up a whole life in a few hundred words, often within a day or two, while your heart is somewhere else entirely. Please know that there is no perfect version of this, and no one reading it later will be grading you. An obituary is simply a way to tell people who someone was, to let the community know how to say goodbye, and to leave a small, lasting record that this person lived and was loved.

This guide walks through the process one step at a time, with a short template and an example you can adapt. Take what helps and leave the rest.

What an obituary is for

An obituary does a few gentle jobs at once. It announces a death to the wider community, it honors the person by sharing something of who they were, and it gives practical details about any service or gathering so people can come and pay their respects. Some families also use it to guide memorial gifts or to thank those who offered care in a person's final season.

It helps to remember that an obituary is different from a eulogy. A eulogy is spoken at the service and can be long, personal, and full of stories. An obituary is usually shorter, written to be read, and often printed in a newspaper or posted on a funeral home's website. If you would like help with the spoken tribute as well, our guide on writing a eulogy that sounds like them may be a comfort.

Step one: gather the essential facts

Before you write anything, collect the basic information in one place. Having it in front of you removes a surprising amount of stress. You will typically want the person's full name, including any nickname they were known by, their age, the city where they lived, and the date they passed. Many families also include the date and place of birth, and sometimes the cause of death, though naming a cause is entirely optional and a private matter.

Gather the names of immediate family members, both those who have passed before and those who survive. Note any details the funeral home requires, such as service times and locations. If you are unsure of a date or the spelling of a relative's name, ask another family member now rather than later.

Step two: write the opening announcement

The first line does the plain work of announcing the death. It usually names the person, their age, where they lived, and when they died. Some families add a soft phrase about how the person passed, such as surrounded by family or after a long illness, but this is a matter of preference.

A simple opening might read: "Margaret Ellen Hart, 82, of Cedar Falls, passed away peacefully on Tuesday, March 4, surrounded by her family." That is enough. You do not need dramatic language here. The warmth comes later.

Step three: tell the story of their life

This is the heart of the obituary, and the part families often worry about most. You do not need to list every job or address. Instead, choose a few threads that capture who the person really was. Where were they born and raised? Did they serve in the military, build a career, raise children, tend a garden, lead a congregation, coach a team?

Think about what people loved about them. Maybe it was the way they never let anyone leave hungry, or the letters they wrote in careful cursive, or how they knew the name of every dog in the neighborhood. Small, specific details bring a person to life on the page far more than grand summaries. One or two sentences about their character, their faith if it mattered to them, and the things that brought them joy will say more than a long resume ever could.

If you are struggling to find the words, it can help to talk with other family members first, asking gentle questions about early memories, favorite stories, and the small habits that made them who they were.

Step four: list the family members

Obituaries traditionally name those who have died before the person, often introduced with a phrase like "preceded in death by," and then those who remain, introduced with "survived by" or "lovingly remembered by." You might list a spouse, children and their partners, grandchildren, siblings, and sometimes dear friends or beloved pets.

There is no rule about how far to extend the list. Larger families sometimes write "and many nieces, nephews, and friends" rather than naming everyone. Do your best to be accurate and inclusive, and if you accidentally leave someone out, know that grieving families do this all the time and it is easily forgiven.

Step five: share service details and how to help

Let readers know when and where any service, visitation, or celebration of life will be held. If the gathering is private, you can simply say so. This is also the place to mention memorial contributions, such as "in lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made to" a charity that mattered to the person. Some families invite people to share memories, light a candle, or simply keep the person in their prayers.

A short template you can adapt

If a blank page feels overwhelming, this frame may help you begin. Fill in what fits and cross out what does not.

"[Full name], [age], of [city], passed away on [date] [optional phrase]. Born on [date] in [place] to [parents], [he/she/they] [a line or two about early life]. [A paragraph about their life, work, passions, and character.] [He/She/They] was preceded in death by [names] and is survived by [names]. A [service type] will be held on [date] at [location]. In lieu of flowers, the family suggests [gift or gesture]."

A worked example

Here is how that frame might read once it is filled in. The person below is invented, offered only to show the shape of a finished obituary.

"Margaret Ellen Hart, 82, of Cedar Falls, passed away peacefully on Tuesday, March 4, surrounded by her family. Born on June 12, 1943, in Dubuque to Walter and Rose Kline, Margaret grew up on a small dairy farm and carried its early mornings and steady work with her all her life. She married her high school sweetheart, Thomas Hart, in 1964, and together they raised three children and ran the corner bakery that fed the town for nearly forty years.

Margaret was known for her cinnamon bread, her fierce games of cards, and a hug that made you feel like the most important person in the room. She sang in the church choir, never missed a grandchild's ballgame, and kept a garden so full of tomatoes that neighbors learned to lock their doors in August. Her faith was quiet and constant, and her kitchen door was always open.

She was preceded in death by her husband, Thomas, and her sister, Ruth. She is survived by her children, David (Anne), Susan (Mark), and Paul; seven grandchildren; three great-grandchildren; and countless friends who became family. A celebration of Margaret's life will be held on Saturday, March 8, at 11 a.m. at First Methodist Church. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made to the local food pantry, a cause close to her generous heart."

Common mistakes to gently avoid

A few small things can save you worry later. Read the obituary aloud before you submit it, which catches awkward phrasing and missing words better than reading silently. Double-check the spelling of every name and every date, and have a second family member look it over, since fresh eyes catch what tired ones miss. Watch the length if you are publishing in a newspaper, as many charge by the word or line and costs can add up quickly.

Try not to feel pressure to make it perfect or complete. You cannot fit a whole person into a few paragraphs, and you are not meant to. Choose what feels true and let that be enough. It is also kind to yourself to avoid writing it entirely alone at two in the morning. Sharing the task can turn it from a burden into a quiet act of remembering together.

When you are ready to remember in other ways

An obituary is often the first thing families write, but it is rarely the last way they choose to remember someone. In the weeks that follow, many people look for gentler, more personal ways to hold onto a loved one's story. At Their Life Song, we help families turn the memories that fill an obituary and a life into an original memorial song, written just for the person you are missing. If that feels like something that might bring you comfort in time, we would be honored to walk alongside you when you are ready.

For now, be patient with yourself. Writing these words is an act of love, and love does not need to be flawless to be felt.

Related reading

• How to Write a Eulogy That Actually Sounds Like Them
• Memorial Poem Ideas That Capture Who They Were
• What to Say When Someone Loses a Parent