Funeral Songs for Dad: Music for a Father's Goodbye

Somewhere in the middle of everything else — the calls, the paperwork, the casseroles — someone asks what music you want. And you find yourself trying to answer a question about your father while you are still absorbing that he is gone.

There is no wrong answer here. The songs below are ones families come back to again and again, grouped by the kind of father he was rather than by chart position. Read them slowly. Most people find that one or two land differently than the rest, and that is usually your answer.

The songs most families choose

A handful of songs show up at fathers' services more than any others, and they have earned it. They say the thing plainly.

• "Dance With My Father" — Luther Vandross. A grown child remembering being lifted and spun. The most-requested song for a father's funeral, and it holds up.
• "My Way" — Frank Sinatra. For the father who did things his own way and never apologized for it. Often chosen with a smile.
• "The Living Years" — Mike + The Mechanics. About the words that never got said between a father and son. Tender, and honest about regret.
• "Tears in Heaven" — Eric Clapton. Quiet and unguarded. Works in almost any service.
• "Forever Young" — Bob Dylan. Reads like a father's blessing over his children. Good as a closing song.
• "You Raise Me Up" — Josh Groban. Steady and hopeful. A frequent choice when the family wants something that lifts.

If he was a country man

Country music has always been comfortable talking about fathers, work, and home. If his radio lived on one station, this is likely where you will find him.

• "Daddy's Hands" — Holly Dunn. Hard hands, gentle intent. Especially fitting for a man who worked with his.
• "Go Rest High on That Mountain" — Vince Gill. Close to a standard at Southern services.
• "Drive (For Daddy Gene)" — Alan Jackson. A father teaching a child to drive. Warm rather than heavy.
• "He Didn't Have to Be" — Brad Paisley. For stepfathers and the men who chose to show up.
• "Don't Take the Girl" — Tim McGraw. A father and son across a whole lifetime.

If he was a rock and roll man

Some fathers would find a hymn a little formal. If his car stereo was loud and the records are still in the basement, these fit him better.

• "Simple Man" — Lynyrd Skynyrd. A parent's advice, set to guitar. Often played at the reception.
• "Landslide" — Fleetwood Mac. About change and getting older, and somehow always right.
• "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" — Bob Dylan. Plain and unfussy.
• "Free Bird" — Lynyrd Skynyrd. Usually the recessional, usually with a laugh, usually exactly what he would have wanted.
• "My Father's Eyes" — Eric Clapton. Fathers and sons and the way a face repeats itself.

If the service is a service of faith

For a church funeral, the hymns your father actually sang carry more weight than the ones that sound most impressive. If you remember which one he knew by heart, start there.

• "Amazing Grace" — particularly with bagpipes for a veteran or a first responder.
• "How Great Thou Art" — a strong congregational hymn that a full room can carry.
• "On Eagle's Wings" — a frequent choice at Catholic funeral Masses.
• "It Is Well With My Soul" — written out of loss, and it shows.
• "I'll Fly Away" — brighter, and welcome near the end of a long service.

Instrumentals, for the moments without words

Not every part of a funeral needs lyrics. For the gathering beforehand, the slideshow, or the walk out, instrumental music gives people room to feel whatever arrives.

• "Gabriel's Oboe" — Ennio Morricone
• "Clair de Lune" — Claude Debussy
• "Nuvole Bianche" — Ludovico Einaudi
• "Ashokan Farewell" — Jay Ungar
• Any recording of "Taps", if he served

How to narrow it down

If the list is still too long, a few questions usually settle it.

What did he actually listen to? The song he played in the garage beats the song that sounds most appropriate. Guests recognize the difference immediately.

Where in the service does it go? Most families need three pieces: something quiet as people arrive, something central during the service or the slideshow, and something that lets everyone exhale on the way out. The last one can be joyful. It often should be.

Can anyone get through it? If a song undoes you in the kitchen, it will undo you in the front pew. That may be fine. But if someone is speaking right after, choose a gentler one for that slot.

Who is in the room? Grandchildren, old coworkers, his brothers. A song that means something to several generations does more work than a perfect song only you know.

When no existing song quite says it

Sometimes you go through every list and none of it fits. Not because the songs are bad, but because none of them know him — his particular jokes, the nickname only he used, the way he answered the phone.

That is the gap a custom song fills. At Their Life Song, families share the stories and details that made him himself, and receive an original song written around them — his name, his habits, the things only your family would recognize. Some play it at the service; others keep it for the drive home, or for his birthday next year. There is no hurry, and no wrong way to use it.

Whatever you choose, remember what the music is for. It is not there to perform your grief correctly. It is there to hold the room steady for a few minutes so everyone can remember him at the same time.

Related reading

• Funeral Songs for Mom: Music That Sounds Like Her
• Songs About Losing a Father
• Custom Memorial Songs: The Complete Guide